You might be a CIBorg…

If you’ve ever heard of Jeff Foxworthy, you probably have seen or heard his “You might be a redneck…” jokes. Just a bunch of funny, lighthearted jokes about, well, being a redneck. The key to his jokes being funny is that Jeff Foxworthy self-identifies as a redneck. As a self-identified CIBorg, I thought I’d try my hand at a lighthearted look at what life is like with cochlear implants.

  • If you’ve ever poked yourself in the head because a safety pin was stuck to your magnet… you might be a CIBorg
  • If you’ve ever told someone to stop talking because you “don’t have your ears on”… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you ever convinced someone that you’re with the secret service because of “that thing on your head”… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you sleep like a baby at night even when your significant other snores loud enough to wake the dead… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you pack more gear when you travel than a parent with a new baby… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If the blackjack dealer tells you to get rid of your phone or you can’t play… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If your kids stick refrigerator magnets to your head… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you’ve ever used a remote mic to eavesdrop on a conversation… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you’ve ever been asked where you got that cool Bluetooth headset… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If your favorite “super power” is listening to music no one else can hear… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you have ever wanted to rip the batteries out of a ticking clock… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you refuse to watch Alvin & the Chipmunks ever again… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you’ve ever used your headpiece to find something small and metal… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you’ve had to pause an “intimate moment” because your processor got knocked off… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If an athletic headband is part of your lingerie attire… you might be a CIBorg
  • If you’ve ever gone to the fridge for a snack and wondered why the world was suddenly silent, only to discover your processor stuck to the fridge… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you’ve ever removed your processor so you won’t have to hear your kids video games… you might be a CIBorg
  • If your bedside table has more cables and plugs than a computer server room… you might be a CIBorg.

  • If you’ve fallen asleep on the couch watching TV and woke up deaf… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you’ve ever pretended your battery died so you don’t have to talk to someone… you might be a CIBorg.
  • If you wake up every morning grateful for the technology that gives you hearing… you might be a CIBorg.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this humorous look into the CIBorg world. Thanks to my brothers, Dave and Nate, for helping with some of the funny stories here. If you have a funny “you might be a CIBorg” story, please share it below.

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14 thoughts on “You might be a CIBorg…

  1. LOL. I have been asked if I am on home detention. Hairdressers get frightened of me. People are relieved when they say “Oh, so water doesn’t leak into your brain, phew!”

    Liked by 1 person

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